I’m not sure if you noticed but 2014 was the year of the “moving on from bad people” meme on facebook. Every single other post on my feed was some kind of accept/uplift/empower/love yourself and move on kind of thing. There was also a percentage of other posts focused solely on passive aggressively telling whoever you were moving on from, to fuck off and that they’re horrible/shallow/poisonous/manipulative people explaining why in a funny-because-its-soooo-true kind of way. If I believed facebook I would have to believe that at this point we’ve all literally banished the difficult people from our lives, started a yoga practice, found enlightenment and now, totally and completely, love ourselves in every way. I do find it interesting though how we are all so connected that all of those posts by mutual facebook friends of mine also reflected my life perfectly. 2014 was my own year of moving on and putting my past (and those people who were not looking out for my own good) way behind me.
I can’t help but wonder, though, where did all of those poisonous and unfaithful people go now that we’ve banished them? Are they posting the same posts in their universes about us? Or are we all just the same? Are we each the poison as well as the support for one person or another? And of course the answer is a resounding yes all the way around as contradictory as it may be.
I’ve held pretty steadfast in a rather naive notion when it comes to my own treatments when it comes to relationships, both the close relationships and those with simple acquaintances. I’ve always probably said too much, been too honest and, always, been too open with what I’m doing with my life. In fact, I’ve always figured that if I didn’t regret anything I was doing then why should I care if anyone knew about it? And, if I was doing something that I wouldn’t want to tell anyone about, then why the hell was I doing it to begin with? They’re good theories in notion but, it turns out, to be pretty terrible when it comes to practice. For starters it really doesn’t matter how open and honest you are, if you share your truths with the wrong person they can make you regret it incredibly quickly. Whether by manipulating what you said to turn it against you or just plain old judging you in an attempt to make you feel bad for things you didn’t feel bad about (or why would you have done them in the first place eh?).
People are also shallow and stand by long held traditions and beliefs that force them to look down on you for doing things that go against what they believe – whether it matters in any way or not (which it never does). They still have to remain loyal to whatever beliefs that they have and that may mean treating you poorly or casting you out of their lives entirely because you live in a way that is against their beliefs. I’ve always believed that honesty is the best policy in every situation and I’ve found (especially after 2014) that that is entirely not the case. I’ve always hated being kept in the dark and nothing makes me angrier (seriously NOTHING MAKES ME ANGRIER) then not being included in a conversation that is about me. You will see me rage like I have never raged to find out that anyone on this planet actually believes that they know me (or those 2 people that are closest to me) well enough to have a conversation (an opinion) about us, what we believe and/or what they think we should be doing. So I’ve always been extremely up front with people as I would hate to treat anyone as I would, in turn, hate to be treated.
So, is honesty the best policy? It started getting me wondering. Of course, this is what we’re taught when we’re young and need to be controlled and protected but, now, as adults, how is it anyone else’s business? So, my very strange lesson of 2014 was to no longer be so open or so honest with anyone outside of my circle. Sadly its a statement I make with a sneer as this decisions comes from people abusing my willingness to be honest about what I’m doing and my life. In what reality is honesty ever the best policy? As children we don’t want to be honest about something because it may get us in trouble. It is a similar situation now, why would I tell you what I’m doing with my life if I know you won’t agree? Or, even worse, why would I tell you what I do with my life if you’re going to judge me or try to lecture me?
As of 2015 my new years resolution is a simple one. I will no longer include anyone in my confidence that I do not respect enough to value their opinion – as it is a waste of time for us both. I will not divulge and (sometimes if necessary) I will lie without guilt or regret, to avoid being judged callously, harshly and disgustingly. I will no longer give the opportunity to people to disrespect me or those that I love by giving them the ammunition of my truth. It is a simple and seemingly obvious thing that most people do without thinking about it. It really isn’t anyone’s business and the fact is I am odd for being so open. But I also think it is a natural desire to be open, to want to be able to trust people, to want to believe that people are accepting and not judgmental. Sadly, that is not the world we are living in but I have hope that things are getting better.
How about you guys? How open are you? Except in your closest relationships do you believe in absolute honesty and, if so, why?