Well, I said very apprehensively in my last post that my next post will be, hopefully, saying that I have finished Karalay’s part of the book and am starting the work of putting my good back together. Well..
It’s better than that!!
Yesterday I sat down at about 2 o’clock in the afternoon and at 9 thirty I finished going through Karalay’s portion of the book the second, and last, time. I was so excited I could barely hold myself back from putting the book together to spend time with my boyfriend and my mom. But I did. I took a break and didn’t go back to my book until nearly 11 thirty.
Than I got to it. And I’m just going to say it: it was fucking hard and stressful.
I wanted to put my book back together in an organized and thoughtful way. I had roughly the same amount of pages between Karalay and Jezaline but Osondrous had about 30 more than that. I wanted four part and to have about an equal amount of pages in each of the four parts of the book. I had already decided how far into the book the Epilogue would go (that was easy because I had already done that though this is the first time I’m calling it an Epilogue, I’m still not sure about that). And I decided to number the pauses in the book (where most people might put chapters) starting at 1 and going up through each of the parts and the epilogue too. I did not indent the epilogue though, I wanted it to look unique from the rest of the book and, though I know they are important, I hate the way paragraph indents look. I chose a Nimbus sans font for the whole book because it’s easy to read and really uses the line space. I used a Palantino for the Part, Epilogue and Title font. Not that any of that really matters. I’m a book designer, I can’t help it, so sue me.
Putting the Monster back together. Snout to Tail.
I wanted to remain consistent and organized while still having the book line up (you can imagine that some things happen in Osondrous’ story that can’t happen until other things happen in Karalay’s story etc.). At first I started Part 2 WAY too early and that helped me absolutely determine how the book was going to go. It would be Karalay, Osondrous/Constance, Jezaline and then all three of them one more time. So two parts from each of their stories for every part of the book.
The worst moment was when I realized I hadn’t been using enough of Osondrous’ story and well before she became queen Karalay was responding to the fact that she had become queen (a very vital happening in my book). So I had to take from Osondrou’s story in part four and add it in to part three and take from part three and add that in to part two to get her story to line up properly again. I knew people would be reading more from Osondrous’ part but, because I had to go back and shift her story around, I’m left anxious and worried on how the whole thing is going to read.
In the last rewrite of my book I broke entirely out of any system I had and just jumped between the girls as I saw fit. I like this way better. It feels stronger, I just hope it actually is.
So, happy new year to me!!
I am continuing in the last read through of my beast put all back together again. It is 330 eight and half by eleven pages and 181,000 words. At first I was down that it was still that high in word count but I just did the numbers and I ended up cutting over 55,000 words from the book! That’s a NaNoWriMo! So I am excited and feel good about the work I’ve done and about my monster. I have already read through the first ten pages and cut some and edited some. It read just fine and I can’t wait to get it printed in lulu and given to my aunt, my mom and my boyfriend.
Doubt
I’m terrified. I know that you can’t allow fear of failing to stop you from trying. But what if they don’t like my book when they read it? This is absolutely the best I can do right now. Period. This is as good a writer as I can be and if this isn’t this great, after all of this work, I will be devastated.
Keep it in perspective, Ta!
Of course, that is what I need to do. My book might not make anybody cry or even care much but I do believe it’s a fine book and it is so close to finished. I started this thing ten years ago and I’ve never felt this good about it before. I am truly entering the edit stage now and I will report back. I hope I will say in my next post, at least:
That it’s not too bad.
Other thoughts: I hate every word processor on the market. Hate. I have tried every program for writers in existance and none of them come close to what I actually need. I use Open Office and it is an absolutely fabulous text editor and it is free! But for putting a novel together none of them work for me. Most novel writing software forces you to save chapters separately etc. I hate that. (Yes, I’m going to be using the word hate a lot) So I’ve always ended up back in Open Office with my whole book in one massive document (like right now).
All I want, and I finally, truly, figured it out last night, is a tab system. I want down on side by the scroll bar there to be tabs that I can add that will jump me to certain parts of the book. I would like to create a tab for every part of my book so if I want to go to Part Four I just click the tab and I’m there (instead of scrolling for hours, that’s basically all I did last night scroll). I want to be able to create a tab for important moments, for all of Karalay, Osondrous and Jezaline’s parts of the story etc. Is this too much to ask??
One day I will design the perfect text editor for writers.
Well, I finally got through Karalay. Who knew? I knew I just needed one day. Just one. I can get through forty thousand words in a day. That seems to be my limit. That’s not writing forty thousand words but going through, cutting, adding and editing. I find that my limit of writing, if I have all day and a clear outline, is about seven thousand words in a day. Though I have written more. It really depends on what I’m working on and whether I’m motivated.
Like the other characters switching my writing soul to Karalay and really getting into her head and focusing on her took time. The switch between characters is not a quick thing for me. This is something I have found excessively frustrating. It means the first twenty thousand words can take me three weeks while the last three quarters of her part of the book takes me three days. I hope this is something I can really work on and improve about me but I’m not sure if that’s possible.
Karalay’s epic end.
The reason I chose to do Jezaline first was because she was the main character I had that was not the start nor the end of the main story of my book. I did her first because she was shorter and less important. Than I did Osondrous because she was absolutely my beginning and then I worked on Karalay because she was absolutely my end. The last nearly half of her story was the epic fight that concluded my novel. Who will win? Who will die? And it was damn fun when I finally reached that part of her story and got myself into it.
Strange things.
It’s funny what I remembered of my book and how it was written and what it actually was. It turned out to be two completely different things. Where I thought I was going to have a lot to cut from Karalay’s story, because of just plain stupid excessive writing, turned out not to be the case at all. Once I deleted Karalay’s first twenty thousand words (because earlier this year I wrote a new beginning for the whole novel) she became a trimmed down little chick with less words devoted to her than either of the other two characters. It surprised me and disappointed me. Where I knew I had a lot to add and re-write to give Jezaline justice I was not prepared for that with Karalay. Though Osondrous took me a long time most of her story was just cutting and I expected the same with Karalay. It’s just not the case. I have quite a bit to add and change now that I’ve gone through her once.
So the real editing begins.
I’ve begun Karalay’s line-by-line edit and addition. It’s the last real hurdle of my book and I am both apprehensive, excited and, most importantly, I feel really well prepared. Well prepared for me means I am thinking about her, I am motivated and I have twelve sticky notes stuck to my monitor of every thing I must add to her story to give it more depth and clarity. My most important addition will be the laying on of fear for her life and, hopefully, the readers. Where there should be this slow sickly building of tension there just isn’t yet quite enough mentioned in the beginning of the book to make my readers aware that they should be anxious. I hope I am capable of adding tension. We’ll see.
The best boyfriend in the world.
Yup, that’s my guy. We’ve been together for over six years now and I simply have the most wonderful boyfriend on the planet.
Why?
He got me the most thoughtful, useful gift I could have ever asked for. It is a beautiful, tiny laptop. In the past I have had massive laptops that I’ve been damn near embarrassed to take into public and have almost never used them on planes.
Not Anymore.
Now I have the perfect writing machine. I have been working on my book on the couch, in bed, at my desk, anywhere I want. It even has a seven hour battery life, something I have never even dreamed of before this. It’s beautiful, it’s an Acer and it is all mine.
No More Excuses.
Not that I had any before but now I am constantly tempted when I go to bed. There is my little laptop beside me and I want to write and now it is so easy.
Back North.
I made the thousand mile trip back north and am spending the next couple of months trying to make some money so we can truly finish our southern home and get it sold. My new years resolution will be entirely for me. Finish my book.
How much farther do I have to go?
I must line edit Karalay’s story. On a good, motivated day I could have that done in less than twenty four hours. But for now, I am enjoying some R&R and Christmas with my wonderful mom. We will be playing Guitar Hero, beating the new Mario that she got me for Christmas and finishing the hardest puzzles Walmart sold. After Karalay’s line-edit I will be attacking the daunting task of putting my book back together. I’m terrified or, as my boyfriend would say because my name is Tarah, I’m just “fied”.
So, cross your fingers for me.
Next week, when I report back, it is going to be to say that I have finished Karalay and have begun putting the beast back together, from nose to snout. The biggest thing I’m worried about is getting the cut offs between characters just right. I want people to be left hanging at the end of each of my girls parts. So, I’m afraid it’s going to be a very big task. On the other hand, it is my book and I do know it by heart. Maybe it won’t be so bad. Wish me luck.
I’ve come back to something time and time again. Something from a movie that came out quite a while ago. I’m not necessarily a love story fan or a scary movie fan. I’m just a fan. I like good movies regardless of genre. I am the same with books. I don’t care what they’re about, if they are done well, I’m a fan.
I’m talking about the movie Up Close and Personal starring Robert Redford and Michelle Pfeiffer. It’s a damn good movie, you should see it if you haven’t yet. It’s about a young reporter (Pfeiffer) who starts moving up the ranks with the help of Robert Redford who is a very old hat at reporting (and is also very good at it). At nearly the end of the movie Michelle Pfeiffer goes to a prison to do an interview. While she’s there there is a major prison break where, for a while, she’s in serious danger and the prisoners have total control of the prison. Once she gets out they put her in front of a camera immediately and she goes on to prove to Robert Redford that she doesn’t need him anymore. Where he would normally start coaxing her through her live report he doesn’t have to say a word.
In the movie they have her start talking on live camera and before he says anything to her statements, he types them. Then it turns out as she talks that he doesn’t have to say a word. She does it perfect, answers everything he would have said. This is how the dialogue ended up in the movie (her dialogue in quotes his typing in italics)
“Twenty-four hours ago, I came to Holmesburg Prison…”
Why?
“to report on how Governor George McBride new “get tough’policies… were affecting one convict. It was meant to be A Day in the Life of Fernando Buttanda.”
Whose that?
“Fernando Buttanda was not a good man by society’s standards. He was not even a good man by his own standards.”
Why do we care?
“Recently, however, in a job-training program here at Holmesburg… Fernando began to learn nursing skills. He volunteered to work in the prison hospital… at some risk to himself, with violent patients. He was good at it. He liked doing it.”
What does this have to do with anything you’re talking about?
“A month ago, Governor McBride, who is campaigning for reelection… on the pledge to “reform” other Pennsylvania prisons… as he “reformed” Holmesburg, canceled this program. “A prison is about punishment.” He added, “it’s not about another chance.” During the next weeks, we’ll hear a lot about what prisons should be. A lot opinions as to why this riot occurred, in this place, at this time. Many fixes will be proposed, many answers formulated. Inside Holmesburg Prison last night, answers were harder to come by. What we do know is that fifteen prisoners died… including Fernando Buttanda. This is Tally Atwater, W.F.I.L. News, Holmesburg Prison.”
She nailed it, without Robert Redford ever having to say a word. She answered his immediate probes about her report before he could even speak.
I’ve kept this in mind and come back to it again and again with my writing. I write a sentence and think “Why does my reader care?” I write another sentence and think “Why?” I write another sentence and think, “What does that have to do with what I wrote initially?”
It’s a good exercise. We’ve all heard the overused and often completely miss-used quote of “Omit needless words”
I don’t write by adding I write by thinking “Why does that need to be in the book? Why does my reader give a rats ass about that?” And if I don’t have a good answer, than I remove it from the book. It makes me a very unforgiving editor. I’ve read too many short stories that that question above actually deleted in my mind, completely. Not just a few words but the entire story had no good reason for existing. Before you start writing ask your self, “Why does this even need to be written?” “Why would anyone want to read it?” If you can’t answer those two simple questions well enough than it’s probably not worth writing. Accept for the practice. To become a good writer you need to write the shit stories too, just don’t submit them anywhere.
The Dawning
Good fiction writers to me are similar to really good reporters. They know they have absolutely no time and their audience has no attention span. They have to start where its important, eliminate all bull shit and never, ever lie in any conceivable way. When people pick up a book they start by trusting the author to guide them safely and intelligently through a great ride/story. The moment a fiction author tells them something they don’t need to know, the moment the writer even bores them is the moment most general fiction readers stop trusting the author and that’s not far from throwing the book away.
When I talk about the dawning I’m talking about an author impressive me with their insight. I’m talking about the “oh wow” moment, “I hadn’t even thought of that but of course!!” When it dawns on the reader while their reading it or the writer while they’re writing it. It is the very best moment of fiction. This is the moment I strive for every day. I slave over my books trying to see the angles other people wouldn’t normally consider. The things that would be obvious to you if you were one of my characters and living it. These are the things that make fiction grand.
But they’re not easy to see or to find. I had one of these moments the other night. I have been trying desperately to fully see my character Karalay. I know what she’s going and trying to see deeper than that, trying to see the normal play out of events if this was actually happening. I’ve been beating my head on this wall.
Then it happened.
It dawned on me.
A wonderful thought, idea, moment. I sat down and wrote it the next day, stunned that I had been working on Karalay more than I had ever thought. I’m so excited to be a writer right now. I’m almost done with Karalay.
I am struggling through Karalay’s portion of Embraced by Darkness now. Stuggling? Well, actually that’s not accurate, I haven’t worked on it for a few days now and I feel damn bad about it
We drove a thousand miles north two weeks ago and stayed a week where I belong. It was just impossible to work while I was there. All I wanted was R&R after the drive and everything. I also had several very early and very far away meetings for jobs to get out of the way. Not to mention personal things like doctors apointments and hair cuts. Being away from home so much is so inconveniant. I end up with so damn much to do while I’m there its just crazy. Not to mention people to see. I have a lot of family that I don’t get to see very much (just like everybody else it seems) so I ended up with four thanksgivings to go to. So after you add all of that up and squeeze it into ten days and give me some down time on the floor snuggling with my dogs. Well, it just doesn’t leave much time for writing.
We finally got our butts back here and I’m already losing time so fast I’m panicking. Two days ago this was my to do list before I can leave:
Add in over a hundred products for mjsportandoutdoor.com (a website I’m doing)
Finish a web design for Computer Services of Durant
Finish a book I’m designing for Marsha C. Porter
Finish Candace Simar’s new website (and add in email lists)
Finsh the newsletter the LOMPlighter for mnpoets
Finish figuring out the shipping problems for another site I’m doing neitherwolfnordog.com
Finish and get working a new Electronic Submission form for the JWB for The Talking Stick
Start and finish the church website including getting their logo scanned in and finished.
Finish three very important xmas presents, Joseph is the only one that knows how to do it!!
On top of all of that there is work we MUST finish on the house before I leave and that list is: Finish epoxying and fixing the tub/shower upstairs and spray finish it. Put linoleum down in the bathroom and closet upstairs. Install upstairs bathroom vanity and finish it. Install furnace upstairs. Take all four doors back that are the wrong size and install the new ones (so help us God).
To be able to take those doors back we have to pick up Joseph’s brother’s truck which is almost an hour drive away. So we’re going to kill two birds with one stone tonight and go to the Xmas party for Computer Services of Durant and get his brother’s truck on the way back.
FINISH MY BOOK!!
There are other things on that list but I hate listing them as “things to do” like going out with Joseph one more time before I go and going to his family’s x-mas party next Saturday. And Joseph and I are going to have our own little xmas together before I go. I hope I can bake a ham and maybe scalloped potatoes sometime this week and we’ll exchange gifts. Not to mention we are going out one night too, hopefully to Red Lobster 
So, that’s my life. Everything just listed above and there’s more (I’m certain I forgot something) that must get done before I leave on the 21st. That is eight days away. I’m freaking out a little and starting to feel panicked. I am a stubborn wench when it comes to goals. If they kill me or not I do reach them when I need to.
What sucks the worst is that I only need one day to finish Karalay’s portion of my book. ONE DAY!
I just don’t think I’m going to get it before I go. Right after I post this I have hurry up stairs and get the tub/show unit upstairs sanded down. And I’m crossing my fingers that I won’t have to epoxy it again before we spray it. Tomorrow morning we’re taking the doors back, getting the paint for the tub, picking up a few things to finish those xmas presents I mentioned up there, getting the right-sized doors, picking up the linoleum and glue that we need (crossing fingers that they even HAVE a remnant big enough for what we need to do the closet and the bathroom with).
On top of all of that Joseph’s father went in for surgery this week and Joseph ended up losing several days of work. Joseph’s dad is okay though, thank God. Joseph will now need to make up all of that work this week (because we simply can’t do without those three days of money) So he’ll be working at his computer desperately all week except when I drag him away for xmas with me, xmas with his mother, Red Lobster with me and to lay linoleum and install doors.
There is just not enough time in the day
I feel exhausted and pathetic. Balancing working on this damn house and finally get the renovations done (once I finish everything on the list up there we can install carpet throughout the house, that means DAMN CLOSE TO FINISHED AND SOLD!!). And trying to get my own personal work done for our business is becoming daunting. We’ve been trying to finish this house in Oklahoma for three years now and I’ll be damned if it takes much more of my time. I belong in Minnesota, not in Oklahoma under any circumstances. This house has taken a good two years longer than we thought it would and I thought I was coming down here this last time to finally fucking finish it. But, that’s not how our money situation is turning out. And Joseph, as much as I love him, does very little to no work on the house when I’m not here. The entire project of getting this house done is entirely on me. And, the truth is, I’d rather die that have to be in this shitty state any longer. (For those of you that like Oklahom, well, good fuck for you.) So, among everything on that list, I must get those house things done because I feel certain they will not be done if I don’t get them done and I’ll come back in three months and find everything just waited for me.
I’m going north on the 21st to stay through to March in and attempt to make some serious money. I have an $8,000 opportunity in Fargo up north that I absolutely cannot say no to. It is medical testing, so just call me “testee” and I will need to drive an hour and a half to Fargo every day for two and a half months. But, it’s $8,000 and we desperately need the money. So I’m going to do it.
And in the end, all I wanna do is finish my book.
I want to go back to Karalay, I have only 30,000 words left for her and that’s peanuts to what I have been doing. I just want to settle in for day and get it done, finally. But I’m afraid I would have to sacrifice something I’m doing professionally to do something for myself and that’s just not in the cards. I’m terrified I’m going to lose so much of the roll I’ve had going on this monster of mine. But, I guess we do what we have to. No matter what.
