I am struggling through Karalay’s portion of Embraced by Darkness now. Stuggling? Well, actually that’s not accurate, I haven’t worked on it for a few days now and I feel damn bad about it
We drove a thousand miles north two weeks ago and stayed a week where I belong. It was just impossible to work while I was there. All I wanted was R&R after the drive and everything. I also had several very early and very far away meetings for jobs to get out of the way. Not to mention personal things like doctors apointments and hair cuts. Being away from home so much is so inconveniant. I end up with so damn much to do while I’m there its just crazy. Not to mention people to see. I have a lot of family that I don’t get to see very much (just like everybody else it seems) so I ended up with four thanksgivings to go to. So after you add all of that up and squeeze it into ten days and give me some down time on the floor snuggling with my dogs. Well, it just doesn’t leave much time for writing.
We finally got our butts back here and I’m already losing time so fast I’m panicking. Two days ago this was my to do list before I can leave:
Add in over a hundred products for mjsportandoutdoor.com (a website I’m doing)
Finish a web design for Computer Services of Durant
Finish a book I’m designing for Marsha C. Porter
Finish Candace Simar’s new website (and add in email lists)
Finsh the newsletter the LOMPlighter for mnpoets
Finish figuring out the shipping problems for another site I’m doing neitherwolfnordog.com
Finish and get working a new Electronic Submission form for the JWB for The Talking Stick
Start and finish the church website including getting their logo scanned in and finished.
Finish three very important xmas presents, Joseph is the only one that knows how to do it!!
On top of all of that there is work we MUST finish on the house before I leave and that list is: Finish epoxying and fixing the tub/shower upstairs and spray finish it. Put linoleum down in the bathroom and closet upstairs. Install upstairs bathroom vanity and finish it. Install furnace upstairs. Take all four doors back that are the wrong size and install the new ones (so help us God).
To be able to take those doors back we have to pick up Joseph’s brother’s truck which is almost an hour drive away. So we’re going to kill two birds with one stone tonight and go to the Xmas party for Computer Services of Durant and get his brother’s truck on the way back.
FINISH MY BOOK!!
There are other things on that list but I hate listing them as “things to do” like going out with Joseph one more time before I go and going to his family’s x-mas party next Saturday. And Joseph and I are going to have our own little xmas together before I go. I hope I can bake a ham and maybe scalloped potatoes sometime this week and we’ll exchange gifts. Not to mention we are going out one night too, hopefully to Red Lobster 
So, that’s my life. Everything just listed above and there’s more (I’m certain I forgot something) that must get done before I leave on the 21st. That is eight days away. I’m freaking out a little and starting to feel panicked. I am a stubborn wench when it comes to goals. If they kill me or not I do reach them when I need to.
What sucks the worst is that I only need one day to finish Karalay’s portion of my book. ONE DAY!
I just don’t think I’m going to get it before I go. Right after I post this I have hurry up stairs and get the tub/show unit upstairs sanded down. And I’m crossing my fingers that I won’t have to epoxy it again before we spray it. Tomorrow morning we’re taking the doors back, getting the paint for the tub, picking up a few things to finish those xmas presents I mentioned up there, getting the right-sized doors, picking up the linoleum and glue that we need (crossing fingers that they even HAVE a remnant big enough for what we need to do the closet and the bathroom with).
On top of all of that Joseph’s father went in for surgery this week and Joseph ended up losing several days of work. Joseph’s dad is okay though, thank God. Joseph will now need to make up all of that work this week (because we simply can’t do without those three days of money) So he’ll be working at his computer desperately all week except when I drag him away for xmas with me, xmas with his mother, Red Lobster with me and to lay linoleum and install doors.
There is just not enough time in the day
I feel exhausted and pathetic. Balancing working on this damn house and finally get the renovations done (once I finish everything on the list up there we can install carpet throughout the house, that means DAMN CLOSE TO FINISHED AND SOLD!!). And trying to get my own personal work done for our business is becoming daunting. We’ve been trying to finish this house in Oklahoma for three years now and I’ll be damned if it takes much more of my time. I belong in Minnesota, not in Oklahoma under any circumstances. This house has taken a good two years longer than we thought it would and I thought I was coming down here this last time to finally fucking finish it. But, that’s not how our money situation is turning out. And Joseph, as much as I love him, does very little to no work on the house when I’m not here. The entire project of getting this house done is entirely on me. And, the truth is, I’d rather die that have to be in this shitty state any longer. (For those of you that like Oklahom, well, good fuck for you.) So, among everything on that list, I must get those house things done because I feel certain they will not be done if I don’t get them done and I’ll come back in three months and find everything just waited for me.
I’m going north on the 21st to stay through to March in and attempt to make some serious money. I have an $8,000 opportunity in Fargo up north that I absolutely cannot say no to. It is medical testing, so just call me “testee” and I will need to drive an hour and a half to Fargo every day for two and a half months. But, it’s $8,000 and we desperately need the money. So I’m going to do it.
And in the end, all I wanna do is finish my book.
I want to go back to Karalay, I have only 30,000 words left for her and that’s peanuts to what I have been doing. I just want to settle in for day and get it done, finally. But I’m afraid I would have to sacrifice something I’m doing professionally to do something for myself and that’s just not in the cards. I’m terrified I’m going to lose so much of the roll I’ve had going on this monster of mine. But, I guess we do what we have to. No matter what.
