Moving on to Osondrous
Published on Oct 28 2009 | Filed under: Embraced by Darkness
I put in my last post that I didn’t know if I was going to go through Jezaline’s story one more time or just move on now that I had added and subtracted from her story to the point of near completion. Well, I went through it again. This wasn’t a “writers” decision. This was my decision. I just wasn’t done yet. Now I can say I am as close to done with Jezaline’s story than I have ever been in the last ten yeas working on my monster. One third of Embraced by Darkness is truly done, even for me now.
Reading back through all the words I had added and all that I had edited I realized some more things to add to give her more emotional impact. I believe I did right by Jezaline and I am elated to say now that I believe her story even stands on its own. Imagine that? Now I am sending the story to my mom. Jezaline reached 64,672 (give or take) at one point than I clipped her all the way down to 52,259 words. That makes about a hundred 8 1/2 by 11 pages. I am tentatively hopeful. I hope she has the time to read it soon. Of all of my writing I have learned not to expect folks to drop everything to read what I give them. Even moms and boyfriends. I may be willing to drop all else to write this thing but I can’t expect other people to do the same. But I am dying to know what she’ll say about it.
I already know that she’ll say one thing for certain, “There’s a lot of sex!” Hopefully my reassurances that the rest of the book will be stripped of sex will help my mother cope. lol. We’ll see. I’m a sexual creature and I believe women to be capable of being strong sexual creatures. It is a part of life and I will, above all other things, write unflinchingly and as realistically as I can. But the truth is anyone who doesn’t believe sex is a part of life just won’t like my book.
I can live with that.
I struggled with whose story I was going to work on next. Osondrous or Karalay? Osondrous is the heart of my book. I chimped out by choosing to work on Jezaline’s story first. I picked the easiest start. Where Jezaline was sitting at 50,000 to begin with Osondrous right now is at 93,000. Karalay is somewhere between those two but I fear I need to get myself through Osondrous as soon as possible, if only to prove that I can. She is techincally the start of my book while Karalay is techincally my end. There is a lot of setting up to do for Osy and her story is also connected through and through with my partial main character Constace. So it’s really two main characters’ stories that I am attacking. If I choose to work on Osondrous next.
Just working on it last night for a couple of hours I have already cut two chapters and need to re-write them completely. As always I am laden with doubt. Will I forget something? I need to do Osy justice above all of the other characters. Like I said, Osondrous is the heart and start of my book. I find I identify with her on a deeper level than the rest of the characters and I do not struggle with her dialogue but, instead, it just falls out of me like it’s my own. On the other hand she is the most energetic, talkative and moving character in my book. She practically sprints from one event to another and I fear I let that sprinting dictate my writing. I tend to lose focus on meaningful descriptions of surroundings because Osondrous could give a rats ass where she’s at at any given moment.
I fear that my writing loses depth.
That my readers will be standing there wondering, “Where the hell are we?” While meanwhile Osondrous is ripping the throat out of some poor bastard. I cannot let this happen and I am left staring at what needs to be written aprehensively because this feels like my last shot at this book. I have tried starting this book so many damn times and failed over doubt. I cannot let it rule me. On the other hand I can’t help but think caution is not so bad a thing.
Damn it. No. I will not be cautious because of doubt. I will not let it rule me. I will not delay I have already spent so much time on this book. If there is any semblance of forward movement that I have. Of hope that I have from finishing Jezaline’s story. I will not let that disappear over doubt. No, I am going to try. What’s there to lose accept more time?
I pull out my outline, the one I wrote a while back when I decided that there was nothing worth keeping. I am surprised, turns out I’m going to need it. The support of it beside me is reassuring. At least I have something that makes me feel as though I may not miss anything.
So it begins. Right now, after some cutting in the beginning, Osy sits at 90,521 words. I can do this.
I think.
I hope.
I will not allow myself to lose this little glimmer of hope. It took me two weeks to get through Jezaline’s story and I hope you know that I do have a life outside of this and if I hadn’t been working to support myself I think it would have only been a few days. But being able to focus largely on just a piece of writing, with no distraction (I have learned) is largely over rated. A writer gets tired. Mundane chores: dealing with family, cooking supper, continuing renovations on a house that includes taping and bedding sheetrock, playing guitar hero with the man that I love, sleeping, eating, working to support myself besides. I need these things. As much as I am a one minded person who likes to sit down and focus on nothing else until I am finished. That is simply not practical in this case nor is it even possible. It has taken me literaly years of adjustment to learn how to work on my book in short starts and stutters. And I have learned, more then ever these days, that I cannot simply just write and write and write.
Without getting my writer tired.
At some point along the way I lose my creativity and my descriptions and I know to stand back when I just want to write, “She walked through the god damned forest and like really hated it.” If you are a writer, remember that your writer needs breaks too.
I dive in to Osondrous’ story tonight. Wish me luck.