The Official Website of Author Tarah L. Wolff Just another WordPress site

I have written often here about finding the time to write and trying to negotiate life around inspiration. I met with Kent Nerburn this winter, an acquaintance of mine who I’ve been doing web work for. I had the incredible opportunity of meeting him several years ago when he was one of our judges for the Talking Stick. He just won a Minnesota book award and, quite frankly, is one of my idols. We sat down to discuss him bringing back some of his older titles into the digital age and we also talked about writing and books. He was wonderfully excited for me and my newest book release and he gave me some advice I will never forget, “Start writing your next book immediately. Do it NOW before the reviews come back on your finished book.”

I had no idea how true that statement was and how important it is to get on that second book before someone can destroy you for your current title. You don’t get to reply to reviews and, though most of mine have come back both tactful and positive, I did get a bad one and it did cut me. I want so badly to email them back and just say, “That was not the right reviewer for my book!” Because, quite frankly, our very favorite books would not sit well with some others, in fact, some people would hate them. I’ve found that most review sites make a real effort to match books with the right reviewers, but it doesn’t always work that way.

On top of the one bad review (which I’ve already licked my wounds over) and several folks on forums who clearly make it their nighttime hobby to hate, I’ve found it hard to get my ass back to writing. I find though that its not the percentage of negative that I’ve received (I certainly expected that), instead its the exhaustion of putting myself in such a vulnerable position in the first place. What happened to that girl in me who would write no matter what? Frankly, there’s a part of me now that wonders: What’s the point? If all of my efforts will not pay off in any way (and I don’t even mean money-wise) then why write? If no one will ever get the chance to know that it exists and read it, what’s the point? If I’ve applied everything I know and have read about getting a “product” out there and its just not happening, what is the point?

I think writers are reclusive by nature. One of the hardest things I find that I need to do daily with a book release is sell my book and, essentially, sell myself. I’m just not any good at it and I’m very good at focusing on the negative. Even with the many positives I’ve received back about my book, I have a hard time dealing with rejection, I just want to scream, “Come on!! Give it a chance for fuck’s sake!”

Anyway, I’ve also always had a hard time balancing my writing time with the time I want to spend with the people that I love. It doesn’t help at all that I’m finally home and missed six years of the time I should have been out playing and dancing and meeting new people. Six years to the wind, in that six years is when I did the majority of my writing: simply as something to keep me company: simply as something to pass the long hours as I counted down to returning home again. Now I find that I not only NEED to find a new way mentally to get myself writing again but that I MUST or I may never convince myself to really write for writing’s sakes again.

So, in my head, I’m working on it, when can I write? When do I want to write? And, in the end, do I even want to or has this book release experience finally convinced me that writing is a lost cause in my life? That I should, maybe without a doubt, grow up, and start pursuing a “real” career? What a shame if that’s the truth but am I going to keep pursuing this just because its too much of a shame to quit after all this time? Or should I see it from a different point of view, maybe I should quit now before I waste more time on it? Both questions make me very sad. I try to call on myself, answer the question! Do you want to keep writing?

The simple answer is Yes. The more real answer is Not like this. What happened to that girl that knew this would be very hard (and that’s not common sense but experience talking – having been in the editorial and publishing world since 2001) and knew she would keep writing anyway? I think it’s not only the rejection aspect but the let down, don’t we all just secretly hope somewhere along the way hard work will pay off and things will somehow, someway, get better? Or is it the main simple fact that that is what we’ve been fed as kids (and by the media telling us about the one in a million story) and that’s just not life ever and not at all for the most of us. And how do we move on from that realization and keep going knowing that the likely hood is nothing will come of it? How do we keep writing?

In every attempt ever made to write a novel I think the writer comes upon this last cliff. When do we stop? And when does the moment come when we’re trying to perfect it and we’re actually beginning to do our own form of damage? Let’s face it: to most writers the work is never truly finished. A completed book, done, on the shelf, etc. and that writer can still pick it up and want to make changes. Sometimes we need to force ourselves to stop. I’ve heard author’s say that when their book is done it tells them. I’ve never really been in this position, I’m a tinkerer, I would probably fiddle with something the rest of my life if I didn’t just get so sick of working on it and finally come upon the realization that I just can’t make it better: that I’m actually on the top of that ladder, about to topple, and do damage to my book.

So, when do we stop?

I find that the easiest way to determine if I’ve completed a book (or at least that its time for me to stop) is to take it a part. Dissect it chapter by chapter, word by word. Don’t read the whole thing, that’s not what I’m intending this point to be. Assess the book one judgment at a time. I start with plot, all sub plots as well, were they completed, did I leave it hanging and why, did I manage to get from beginning, to middle, to end with each and every one of them? Do any of them need better reinforcement, more hints earlier in the book? Make yourself a list and cross each plot off as you go. From here I narrow my focus to individual “chapters” and start focusing on the writing. Again, did I get my point across? Does the description lend itself to the event that’s taking place at the time? Are you missing something? Is it completed?

Getting organized in this way has always helped me find, if nothing else, some peace of mind. I can look down at my check list and at least know I did the best that I could without nagging thoughts of “did I miss something?” floating around for the rest of my life. And, though this type of action does not necessarily lend itself to the “creative mind” of an author, in the event that you ever wish to see your book in print at some point you’re going to have to attack this as a job.

Book Release Updates

I am still working on getting my book out there and have found many wonderful avenues and people who support new authors, as well as great folks who support self published authors. Far more good than bad if I will say the least I will be posting a list here as an acknowledgement of those who have been such great supporters. But it has been a tremendous amount of work, as anyone who has ever attempted a book release with momentum will know.

I have also come upon a few really impressive haters that I would even go so far as to say that they simply wait and prey on new authors every chance they get because it seems to be their way of having fun. I will also be making a list of places to avoid for authors that I will be posting here. It is beyond me why anyone would attack a complete stranger in an attempt to discredit them for no other reason than the fact that they can and they want to. But haters will be haters and, in this world, especially new authors, can’t really expect much better but to move on and let them hate. The only advice I can give, especially when it comes to forums, if you run in to people like this, there is nothing you can do, they own the forum and know how to play the game and its best for you to walk away no matter how cruelly they might treat you. Backlashing against people like this and you will receive the very typical bully reply of, “I done nothing wrong!” and you will likely get banned and told to learn your lesson. Which is, of course: enjoy getting shit on.

Walk away, let em hate.

So, I have finally finished and released my first book. Life is good accordingly… Wow, I have never spent so many hours on something in my entire life to be rewarded with so little. No, I’m not complaining, but I will warn all self published writers from here on out that just the process of trying to get out press releases will make them question their desire to ever release and/or write a book again in their entire lives. What do you truly get out of writing and self publishing a book? No, its not huge sales. No, its not glory nor is it fame. What you can expect to get is only one thing: the fact that you are now and finally a real published novelist. That is it.

So, what have I been going through?

It started with my looking for reviewers: yes, me practically begging other bloggers to let me send them my book (for free) that they may read it and write about it. I spent over forty hours searching and sending out requests. So far, I have had one rejection and two email boxes that no longer existed. After that I attacked the magazine market for my genre (fantasy) looking for reviewers and advertising and just that list alone was over ten hours online searching. At this point I can’t even see anymore. From there I stepped into the world of press releases and hit the most painful process so far in releasing my book. Most of these places won’t accept you unless you’re a company (fortunately I have my design company to use) and almost none of them will accept a free email address so you must own your own domain and have your own email. No real problem for me but wow, I’m thinking this whole time, what would other authors do that can’t afford to launch their own website? Good grief. Understandable though – these are the kinds of websites that get hit by literal avalanches of spam. Just the forms to get signed up for them are long tedious pieces of work and then getting your press release accepted is another tremendous chore. And then, every now and again, after all that work of getting signed up they tell you that they no longer offer free press releases. Wow.

Paying for Reviews

After all of that I am finally sobering to the realization that I am going to have to start paying for absolutely everything. Don’t get me wrong I have read countless times now from many an author that you should NEVER pay for a review. Well, tough titty, its looking like that has settled in to become my only hope. I’m gathering my meager money resources and have narrowed it down to a dozen or so places that I plan on either paying for reviews, sending books to (for no reason other than the hope that they MIGHT look at them) and buying advertising. If you would like to see my list I’ll gladly send it but all of the places are VERY genre focused. And I can’t stress that enough for any author trying to get their book out there, FOCUS on your audience!

In the meantime…

Oh yes and here it is, what I really need to be doing to make my book a success, what nothing else can even come close in providing exposure for my book. Its time to get back to writing. Not just the fact that a second book would give my twice the chance of interesting people, no, I’m talking about basic writing here. I need to start writing short stories (awesome short stories) and getting them into fantasy publications. I need to start writing guest posts and I need to start reviewing books myself for authors like me, not to mention giving interviews and the like. Now truly begins the arduous journey that is making my book (and therefore me) a success. Wish me luck!

I am proud to announce that, finally, since I was fourteen years old, the first book in the Embraced by Darkness series is complete and published! I did it through Createspace and it is now for sale as a paperback (Link – $15.00) and an ebook (Kindle Link – $1.99) and I kind of feel like dancing and throwing up all at the same time. I’m freaking out lol, easy enough to admit but this really is terrifying and it really is very hard. I have set myself up to expect no sales (or very few) because I am well aware that that is the most realistic outcome. I have been in the book industry for a decade and I have chosen not to buy the book from a thousand hopeful authors at a thousand different book fairs. Because I don’t care and I expect their books to not be my kind of books anyway and that is fair. But I also know that to them it means everything, just as this book means everything to me. But I am a very typical writer, I am not good at promoting myself, nor do I even want to, just pushing it and telling everyone I know on Facebook was hard for me. I’m very much the type to be, “Don’t worry about, just ignore the fact that this decade of work and my entire heart was just published. Please, I don’t mean to bother you, ignore this post.” Even though I am very well aware that that kind of attitude does not sell anything, let alone books.

Why I chose Createspace

So I picked Createspace entirely over Lulu. I’m just done with Lulu, their marketing has been spotty according to everything I read online but my biggest problem with them is that their books cost a fortune. I bought my first copy of this book through Lulu and it cost me over $14 the same book published through Createspace cost me just over $4. Its a no brainer for me. On top of all of that, my book (and ebook) were for sale on Amazon.com within just a couple of days. Sweet and very cool. Also, they automatically added the bar code to the back of my book after I entered in my ISBN for the paperback edition. Lulu does not do this, you have to buy and add your own bar code unless you want to use one of their awful free covers. I also published through Barnes and Noble on the Nook (Link – $1.99) and plan on working with Smashwords a little bit. And why haven’t I pushed through Smashwords yet? I hate their converter process, hate it, hate it, hate it. I use Open Office for all of my writing, Smashwords requires a .doc file (A Word file) so I’m already pissed. I can’t really make a perfect .doc file (even though Open Office does its best) so all of my files on Smashwords are just screwed up and I haven’t really come up with any way around this crappiness, but I’m working on it and do plan to publish there to some extent. And there is also the Apple store I’m going to be looking into.

Lots of ISBNs

The first horrible (and far larger expense than I expected) was the ISBN purchase. I had to buy 10 of them because I knew I needed a different ISBN for every version of my book that I was going to make available. I’ve used four so far, one for the kindle, one for the nook, one for the smashwords edition and one for the paperback edition. The cost for a package of ten ISBNs? $250! If you just purchase one it’s $150 per ISBN number. Crazy cost but I felt it necessary for at least the attempt of making my book look as “real” as possible.

So, What’s Next?

And here comes the hard part. Yes, I’ve done all I can to milk my Facebook account for a few book sales. Not much but, hey, at least everyone knows about it whether they give a rat’s ass or not. From here on out I’m begging strangers to buy my book. I only have so much money so where do I put it? Advertising? Local Newspapers? Press Releases? Google keywords? Facebook Ads? Local Advertising? Do I just suck it up and start buying Reviews? How do we know as Indy publishers of our own books how to get them to our target audience? You just can’t expect people to buy your book is they don’t know about it. Hence begins the arduous and expensive part of my journey, yes the “release” of my book was great fun but that is only the very very tip of the ice berg.